Don't Try to Silence Your Biggest Critic, Find your Inner Wisdom Instead

We all possess inner wisdom and when you access it, prioritization becomes easier, next steps become clearer, and your confidence builds

Kathy Wu Brady

Oct 08, 2024

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If you have ever had the experience of hearing an inner voice berate you, criticize you, and make you generally feel down about yourself, you are not alone.

We all develop an inner judge at a young age. It’s actually not only normal, but a part of healthy mental development. The science behind this is well-studied and documented (I’ll add some references in the Additional Resources section).

The challenge is that even if the development of your inner judge is normal, the negative thoughts it sends your way are often not helpful.

If you have ever wondered if there is a way to quiet your inner judge or critic, this post is for you.

A Story

For years, I tried to quiet the inner voices in my head that were critical of everything I did. When I was younger, I thought these voices were my friends. They said things to me like:

“You need to work harder.”

“Don’t give up — push and you’ll move to the top of the class.”

“Why did you say that? You need to be more compelling.”

“Sleep is for the weak. You don’t want to be weak!”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get back to it!”

I trusted them because I mistakenly thought they were the reason I was:

Top of my class in high school
Able to attend a prestigious Ivy League school
Offered a job by an exclusive investment bank

Once I realized that they weren’t always productive, especially the super negative ones and the ones that were guiding me against taking care of my physical and mental health, I wanted to shut them down.

With a coach, a therapist, and through my own research, I tried a number of techniques:

Personifying my critics by giving them names
Writing a letter to my top inner judges
Meditating and speaking to my critics

But none of them worked. In fact, my focus on those judges seemed to give them more power over me. I found myself listening for them and obsessing over whether I could shut them down. The more I focused, the louder they got.

The volume of their voices was at a roar in the summer of 2020.

It didn’t help that there was a pandemic raging, three of the six executives on my leadership team were taking parental leave, and we had a slew of sleeping challenges in my family.

Then, I read Tara Mohr’s Playing Big.

In it, she provides a meditation she experienced where she met herself 50 year’s from now. It changed my life, and I have since shared it with countless other leaders to help them find their inner wisdom.

I want to share with you my version of the 10-min meditation that changed my life. It’s my own variation and combines Tara Mohr’s meditation with a visualization from Shirzad Chamine who wrote Positive Intelligence, a book and course I recently took that solidified my practice of catching my judge and shifting myself to a healthier perspective. I’ll share links to both books in the Additional Resources section below.

Meet Your Future Self Meditation

Note: Feel free to listen to this in the recording (at 3 min, 50 sec), which is accessible at the top of the page.

Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit.

Close your eyes. Sit tall as if your head is the top of a tree reaching into the sky.

Relax your shoulders, arms and hands
Relax your hips, legs, and feet and feel the support of whatever you are sitting on
Relax your face, your jaw, even your scalp
If it helps, gently stretch any parts of your body that are feeling tight

Take a slow breath in and then exhale out. Take another slow breath in and then exhale.

Imagine that you are taking a day trip.

You are waiting on a train platform as your train pulls in
You find a seat and the train begins to move
It’s an express train and there is only one stop — the town you are headed to
The train moves so fast that you can barely see anything outside of the window — just a swoosh of colors and shapes

You relax further and enjoy the soothing sway and the sounds of the train.

When you arrive, it’s many years into the future and you are about to meet your wiser, future self.

Your future self is healthy in mind, body, and heart
Your future self is content, feeling fulfilled by your choices and experiences in life

As you walk towards your elder, future self, you look around you — and you feel a sense of homecoming, a sense of calm.

You see plants and living things that delight your eyes and other senses
You spot a structure — it might be a house, an apartment building, a tent. It’s a place you’ve maybe wondered about or wish you could live in one day

As you get closer, the door opens, and you see future yourself years from now.

You peer into your eyes, look at your hair, your face, your clothes. Take a moment to really see your future self in your mind
Your future self is smiling at you and beckoning you inside
Imagine what your future self’s home might look like. What might be the decor, the sounds, the aroma inside the home?

Your future self invites you to take a walk around the room and look at some of the photos on the wall. You see images of key moments in your life going forward — with the people and parts of your life that matter most to you.

Take a minute to see some of those images. They might be about your relationships, your career, your health, your finances, and other meaningful areas of your life
You take a breath
As you look at these images, you feel a sense of warmth, of calm, and of well-being

Your future wiser self invites you to sit down.

They offer you a beverage and a snack
You sit and relax
You feel questions bubbling up about worries you have, challenges you are facing

Your future self invites you to ask your questions.

You start with the one that is most occupying your mind and your heart at the moment
Your future self listens intently, and quietly reflects
They give you helpful guidance on what matters most and what you can stop worry about
You trust them and you feel cared for

You ask another question that has been on your mind.

Again, your future self listens patiently and pauses to consider what you share
They share their wisdom with you again and you feel more clear and calm

You then get up and thank your elder self.

They invite you to come back anytime to visit them
They remind you that they are always available to you when you need them
You believe them

You walk to the door and you share your gratitude and you part ways.

You return to the train platform and the train is waiting for you.

As you sit on the ride back to your current home, you feel relaxed and cared for
You know your inner, sage self will always be there for you

Breath - in and out.

Take a moment longer if you need it.

When you are ready, gently open your eyes.

A Learning (or two)

When I first completed this meditation, I was astonished at how much I was able to guide myself and care for my own needs — all by accessing my inner wisdom.

Hearing my inner sage was incredibly powerful. What I learned in the process was that my inner critics may never go away. They have been and will always be a part of me.

What has changed now is that I have a counter voice that I focus on more, that often drowns out the critics — the voice of my future, wiser sage self.

The act of meeting yourself in the future, when you are wiser, and have experienced more in life can help you feel more grounded and confident in what you already know.

I find that most often, I ask my future self these questions and their answers are incredibly valuable to me:

What’s most important?
What can I let go of or relax my hold on that isn’t serving me?

You can apply these concepts and questions to any part of your life: relationships, finances, career, health & wellness, and more.

Whenever I am feeling less confident or down, I will take a minute to connect with my future self and hear what she has to say.

Getting Started

There are so many ways to practice connecting with your inner wise voice. The easiest is to listen to the meditation regularly. You’ll find over time, you won’t need a guide. Instead, you can simply find a quiet place and take yourself through the visualization.

Another way to practice is to find a learning buddy, someone else who is interested in hearing their inner sage voice and together you can connect weekly or every other week to share how each other's voices are guiding you.

A way to play with these concepts is to journal and jot down what your future self is sharing with you.

Are there themes that emerge?
Are there people in your life you’d like to share your wisdom with?

Hold this process loosely and if one version of the meditation doesn’t work for you, try another. There are many out there.

Your Turn

Have you struggled with your inner judge and critics?

What’s worked best for you?

Share your thoughts in the Comments.

Let’s all get stronger at listening to our inner sage!

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