Thank you, Kathy! You have described with wonderful precision my exact experience parting with my teen daughter for the summer program this Sunday. We were saying goodbyes, after living and bonding through the hardest year of our lives. There was all kinds worry and "trusting" is exactly the work I was doing on the inside sitting in this "gap" -- trusting that in this gap is where she builds her confidence, capacity and competence; trusting that it is where I discover the joy of seeing my daughter grow (even if the experience does not pan out to be easy or great). Seeing her wipe away that tear and starting to chat with a girl in her dorm was my sign to get the hell out of there). It reminded me of my own goodbyes - immigrating from Russia, starting college, going abroad on an exchange program, and recently stepping out of 20+ career full of exciting challenges and decades worth of relationships and connections. Being in between the worlds, the world I left behind and the world I haven't yet found created the space I found is very unsettling full of doubt and ample time for self-reflection. It is precisely the "gap" you are speaking of where I need to really hold on to that trust in my capacity to find my way, just like I was able to do before.
Thank you so much for sharing your similar experience in navigating the "gap" and how "trust" was the work you were doing as well.
It's amazing how we think the work is the doing. When in reality, the hardest work is in the sitting, waiting, and trusting. The in-between space -- that's when we are most tested.
This is a great article. The waiting doing nothing is hard. But I really like how you prioritized yourself. That is a lesson we could all use. While I wait like this I stew on all the things that you think could happen and don't. A complete waste of energy. I am still learning this.
Thank you, Linda! I'm not necessarily proud of how I responded, but I am pleased that I was able to see the importance of reflecting on my experience and to be present throughout it.
Being able to see what is happening within us (not just around us) is the first step -- don't be hard on yourself for struggling with the stewing. The amount of time spent ruminating will lessen over time -- once you see what is happening inside.
I think a lot of parents will relate to your emotions, realizing you can't control what you wish you could, then placing trust in a situation and a person anyway because it's the only control you do have and then seeing something encouraging come from it.
Thank you for sharing and yes, I don't think my experience was unique. It's just amazing how big a common experience can feel when you are navigating through it -- bumps and all.
Oh, I hope you know it was not my intent to minimize your experience. I intended, and maybe failed, to express that many people would see themselves in your excellent writing and telling of your story and it would resonate. I was engrossed because while I had a different experience, I too felt a depth of emotions. I enjoyed your personal story.
Oh thank you. I didn't feel you were minimizing my emotions. Quite the opposite. And I love the idea that our experiences can feel so deep and personal and yet still be universal and similar to others. It's one way to be more connected.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and care. It means a lot!
Thank you, Kathy! You have described with wonderful precision my exact experience parting with my teen daughter for the summer program this Sunday. We were saying goodbyes, after living and bonding through the hardest year of our lives. There was all kinds worry and "trusting" is exactly the work I was doing on the inside sitting in this "gap" -- trusting that in this gap is where she builds her confidence, capacity and competence; trusting that it is where I discover the joy of seeing my daughter grow (even if the experience does not pan out to be easy or great). Seeing her wipe away that tear and starting to chat with a girl in her dorm was my sign to get the hell out of there). It reminded me of my own goodbyes - immigrating from Russia, starting college, going abroad on an exchange program, and recently stepping out of 20+ career full of exciting challenges and decades worth of relationships and connections. Being in between the worlds, the world I left behind and the world I haven't yet found created the space I found is very unsettling full of doubt and ample time for self-reflection. It is precisely the "gap" you are speaking of where I need to really hold on to that trust in my capacity to find my way, just like I was able to do before.
Thank you so much for sharing your similar experience in navigating the "gap" and how "trust" was the work you were doing as well.
It's amazing how we think the work is the doing. When in reality, the hardest work is in the sitting, waiting, and trusting. The in-between space -- that's when we are most tested.
This is a great article. The waiting doing nothing is hard. But I really like how you prioritized yourself. That is a lesson we could all use. While I wait like this I stew on all the things that you think could happen and don't. A complete waste of energy. I am still learning this.
Thank you, Linda! I'm not necessarily proud of how I responded, but I am pleased that I was able to see the importance of reflecting on my experience and to be present throughout it.
Being able to see what is happening within us (not just around us) is the first step -- don't be hard on yourself for struggling with the stewing. The amount of time spent ruminating will lessen over time -- once you see what is happening inside.
I think a lot of parents will relate to your emotions, realizing you can't control what you wish you could, then placing trust in a situation and a person anyway because it's the only control you do have and then seeing something encouraging come from it.
Thank you for sharing and yes, I don't think my experience was unique. It's just amazing how big a common experience can feel when you are navigating through it -- bumps and all.
Oh, I hope you know it was not my intent to minimize your experience. I intended, and maybe failed, to express that many people would see themselves in your excellent writing and telling of your story and it would resonate. I was engrossed because while I had a different experience, I too felt a depth of emotions. I enjoyed your personal story.
Oh thank you. I didn't feel you were minimizing my emotions. Quite the opposite. And I love the idea that our experiences can feel so deep and personal and yet still be universal and similar to others. It's one way to be more connected.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and care. It means a lot!