I had the privilege of sitting down with Laura Kavanagh — the former commissioner of the New York City Fire Department, where she led 17,000 people and managed a $2.3 billion budget — to talk about what it means to lead through change, crisis, and personal evolution.
Laura is the youngest commissioner in the FDNY’s history, and the first woman to hold the role. But titles don’t tell the real story. Her story is about navigating resistance, listening deeply, and redefining leadership from the inside out.
We met through the Women in Power Fellowship at the 92nd Street Y — a program connecting women who are shaping what leadership looks like across the public, private, academic, and social impact sectors.
What struck me most about Laura wasn’t her résumé. It was her humility. Her curiosity. And her willingness to say, “I’m still figuring out who I am after that job.”
That level of honesty from someone who’s led through literal and figurative fires? It’s rare.
Leadership Isn’t About Having the Plan — It’s About Staying Close to Purpose
Laura laughed when I asked if she’d always planned her path — campaign strategist, public servant, then fire commissioner.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a plan,” she said. “But I’ve never gotten to the next thing because of one. I’ve always followed where I could make a difference.”
That line stopped me.
So many leaders I coach cling to the illusion that career progression is linear — that clarity comes from the next title. But Laura’s story is a reminder that clarity comes from direction, not destination. You follow the feeling of impact, not the illusion of control.
When You’re Brought in to Change the System, Start by Listening
When she first arrived at the FDNY, the department was grappling with outdated systems, lawsuits, and low morale. She was an outsider, appointed by the mayor. “Government doesn’t love outsiders,” she told me. “They see you as someone who’ll be gone in two years.”
Instead of trying to prove herself, Laura started listening.
She rode along on calls, sat in dispatch centers, and listened to 911 operators.
“You can’t fix what you don’t understand.
And just because you know the problem doesn’t mean you know what got the organization there — or what people are afraid of losing if it changes.”
That insight hit home for me. As leaders, we often rush to act when what’s really needed is patience, empathy, and presence.
Change starts with curiosity, not conviction.
The Cost of Care: When Empathy Becomes Exhaustion
One of the most resonant parts of our conversation was about the cost of caring.
Laura shared that her empathy — one of her greatest strengths — sometimes became her kryptonite.
“When someone in the room wasn’t okay, I couldn’t focus until they were,” she said. “As commissioner, that became impossible — I had to make 27 decisions.”
I could feel that in my bones.
I told her how I’ve always been an empath — how my instinct is to sense who’s struggling and bring them in. But leadership often requires sitting in the discomfort that not everyone will feel good in every moment.
Our job is to lead the room, not rescue it.
We both agreed: servant leadership without boundaries becomes self-sacrifice.
The line between empathy and exhaustion is thin, and too many women leaders cross it without realizing they’ve left themselves behind.
The Shift From “One-to-One” to “One-to-Many”
Laura described the jarring loneliness of becoming commissioner after eight years in the department.
“I’d always been the person people came to for advice. Suddenly, I was the person everyone watched,” she said.
“Leadership is lonely — not because you’re alone, but because you can’t unburden downwards anymore. Your words carry weight. People don’t just hear what you say — they interpret it, repeat it, and sometimes reshape it.”
That’s a powerful reminder for any leader transitioning from manager to executive. Your role shifts from knowing everyone to being known by everyone. And that requires a new kind of discipline — one that balances authenticity with restraint.
You Are Not the Organization — and That’s a Good Thing
One of Laura’s mentors once told her something that’s stayed with me:
“Never own an organization’s problems as your own, or you’ll never be able to fix them.”
That’s brilliant advice.
So many leaders — especially women — absorb the weight of their teams, their companies, even their institutions, as if it’s personal. We internalize responsibility that isn’t ours to carry. And in doing so, we lose perspective — and power.
Laura reframed that for me: you can care deeply without confusing identity and impact. You can love the mission without becoming it.
That’s not detachment. That’s wisdom.
Resilience is Built before Crisis and with Community
When we got onto the topic of crises, Laura was emphatic that you can’t build resilience after a crisis; it must be done before.
And the most sustainable method? Through community.
Community-based peer counselors are a part of the FDNY fabric. These professionals have mental health training and deep experience in the uniform.
They build community by making it okay to talk, to seek help, to feel bad about all kinds of things.
These conversations help build resilience individually and as a group. As a result, when a crisis hits, resilience is already part of the system.
The Evolution of the FDNY — and a Lesson for Every Institution
One of Laura’s biggest lessons came from recognizing that the FDNY’s mission had changed — even if its identity hadn’t caught up.
“Eighty-five percent of our calls were medical emergencies,” she said. “Only two percent were fires. But we still talked about ourselves as a fire department.”
That disconnect isn’t just about branding. It’s about survival.
Leaders everywhere face the same challenge: how to tell the truth about who we’ve become before the world forces us to.
Change isn’t failure. It’s evolution. But evolution demands courage — to say, ‘We’re different now. And that’s okay.’
Final Reflections: Leading Without Losing Yourself
Laura and I ended our conversation talking about identity — how to step into the role of leader without losing the person inside it.
She described it beautifully: “When I put on my suit each morning, it was like stepping into the role. But when I came home, I’d take it off — literally and emotionally — and become Laura again.”
That image stayed with me.
Because leadership isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about learning how to carry your values into bigger rooms — without letting the room define you.
If You’re Leading Through Fire
Here’s what I took from my time with Laura Kavanagh:
Follow purpose, not plans. Direction matters more than titles.
Listen before you fix. The anxiety you ignore will become the resistance you face.
Empathy is a strength — until it isn’t. Protect your energy so you can sustain your impact.
Your role is not your identity. You serve the mission, but you are not the mission.
Evolve out loud. The bravest organizations — and leaders — tell the truth about what’s changing, and they do it in community to strengthen everyone in the process.
If this conversation resonated with you, share it with another leader who is leading through change or is in a season of reinvention. And if you’ve ever felt the tension between leading fiercely and staying human, you’re not alone.
That’s what Lead Without Limits is all about.
