Longing vs Fear: The Real Battle Behind Your Career Crossroads
The only thing worse than your fear… is the regret you’ll feel if you let it win.
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Funny how the same leader who can make a million-dollar call in 10 minutes…
can spend years stuck in “Should I quit my job?” limbo.
“Should I?”
“Shouldn’t I?”
Followed by “What if’s” and “I’m not sure’s.”
I hear this from successful leaders every month.
Their past achievements are no match for the fear and doubt they feel.
The whisper of an idea of what they might want going forward — a quieter life, a different job, a new location — gets brushed aside by a more powerful force: fear.
Even if they have figured out how to manage it in many situations, fear can still hold them back..
Your career is an incredibly meaningful part of your life.
Don’t let fear dictate what you do next.
What led to my first big career change.
I know what it feels like to feel scared about making a change.
I made my first series of career decisions completely based on scarcity, status, and other people’s opinions:
Study finance because it was the most prestigious at my school
Go into investment banking because it’s the hardest job to get
Climb the finance pyramid because that’s how you’ll know you’ve arrived
Little of this was based on my talents, my interests, or what actually mattered most to me.
As a result, I worked myself to the ground, got incredibly ill, and left my investment banking analyst program 3 months shy of completing my 2 year commitment.
I didn’t get an offer from one of the coveted private equity or venture capital firms. I didn’t get promoted to Associate at my bank. I didn’t join a hedge fund.
After 4 years of intensive study, a highly competitive job search, and almost 2 years of 100 hour work weeks, I left the entire Finance industry.
I had supposedly arrived on the mountain that would take me to the pinnacle of success. It was for some people.
But not me.
It wasn’t a bad place filled with bad people. It wasn’t a bad job.
It just wasn’t the right situation for me.
In some ways, I was very unlucky: I had made a career choice that led to me getting so ill, it took me years to regain my health.
In other ways, I was very lucky: I learned within 2 years of graduating college that if I was going to have a great career, it was not going to be on any pre-determined track that someone else was going outline for me.
I was going to have to map out my career by taking risks and make moves.
Why we struggle with career change.
We think it’s about money or status.
But it’s really about uncertainty.
Evolutionarily, our brains are wired to seek out predictable outcomes. We can’t make plans when we don’t know what will happen next.
And when you’re considering a career change, uncertainty is the dish du jour.
Your brain is programmed to reject that risk.
High achievers are used to being at the top of the food chain — they are used to being the winners, predictably.
When you make a change, all of that goes up in the air.
Even for me as a relatively recent graduate, it was hard to put all of my past decisions into question by shifting direction.
It’s scary to switch up the context, the rules, the people, and the skills necessary to win. In fact, you might not even fully understand the new game for some time.
The risk of failure is how we translate uncertainty. The brain can’t handle the unknown, so we immediately imagine to the worst outcome: disaster.
Exposing yourself to the risk of losing feels nonsensical. I get it.
And yet, if you let your fear of uncertainty dictate your career, you will not only miss out on tremendous opportunities, you will sabotage your future.
Don’t wait too long to make a shift.
It may seem easiest to stick with what you know. But if what you know is no longer satisfying you, staying on that path is the surest way to burnout and failure.
I knew in my internship that investment banking wasn’t for me.
But I was too scared to risk trying for another job.
So I kept going… straight into burnout.
It was a heavy price to pay for being scared of making a change.
You can’t do well in something that doesn’t engage or energize you. It might not happen immediately, but eventually it will.
You need to pause and step back:
Your job isn’t the problem.
Your inability to leave it and find a new path is.
Career risks are valuable at any stage.
The good news is that making a change can be helpful and effective throughout your career:
Early in your journey
You have fewer stakes the ground, little to no existing reputation, and a much to learn.
Why Take a Risk? It can be a great way to expose yourself to new industries, people, and skills. What you learn will inform the rest of your career.
—
Midway through your career
You might have more responsibilities, and financial obligations. Your existing wins might feel more precious, and your network may feel more entrenched in one area of another.
Why Take a Risk? Broadening your choices could be exactly what you need to maintain optionality and growth into the next phase of your career.
—
Later in your career
You have a proven track record, accolades, and milestones you’ve earned. You have fans across your various roles.
Why Take a Risk? You’ve established your reputation and are respected by many. You have nothing left to prove and you might have fewer obligations at this point in your life. Now’s a great time to try something just for you.
—
The moment you make a change matters less than the type of change you are seeking and why.
The different types of career change to consider.
Because we are wired to seek security and reduce risk, some of us aren’t even sure what types of career opportunities exist because we’ve worn blinders for so long.
Career change can take many forms:
Changing industries
Transitioning functions or departments
Adjusting your role and responsibilities
Going from people manager to individual contributor
Changing from a salaried position to freelance, consultant, fractional leader and/or self-employed
Shifting from doing one job to having a portfolio of roles and income streams
Transitioning from employee to owner (or investor)
Your career decision impacts your:
Compensation & benefits, including amount, predictability,
Your day-to-day schedule
The people you work with
What you need to learn
The skills you use
Your location
If you’re not sure what you long for, that’s normal.
Use the lists above as a guide. Explore each of the items — the changes and the impact areas.
Talk with your partner, a close friend, a family member to help you determine what matters most to you. It’s OK if it’s only one thing, and it’s OK if it is multiple.
Use what you discover to help you clarify the change you want.
How to reduce the risk.
Once you have a sense of what matters to you, don’t be surprised if your fear gets even louder and more demanding. It’s sensing that you are moving forward, and it will want to pull you back.
The loudest message it will send over and over again:
“You can’t. You shouldn’t. It’s not safe.”
The best way to calm your fear is to reduce the risk.
Here are some practical ways:
Give yourself financial wiggle room. Save more, reduce your spending. Beef up your emergency fund. When you have a cushion, your fears are easier to quiet.
Make time for research. Understand the path you want to go on. Learn about the industry, the job, the skills, or whatever is relevant to the shift you want to make. Talking to people is one of the best ways to learn. More conversations = more intel.
Start a side hustle or project. The best way to learn is to do. Do a trial run in the area you interested in. Nights, weekends, or even on a vacation trip. Don’t make assumptions, get evidence by the work.
Build out your skills. Beef up transferrable skills or start to invest in learning new ones. It’s a great way to preview what the new job will require and level you up.
Warm your network now. Don’t just reach out to folks when you need them. Connect with them now and offer your support. That way, if you need them in the future, it’ll be less transactional.
You don’t have to invest in all of the actions above. Choose one and get started. Even that will reduce your risk, quiet your fear, and help you build momentum.
I’m ready. Now what?
Amazing! If you’re ready to start to make the shift, here are my top recommendations to help you find the right next role and set yourself up for success:
Network. Your relationships are the best way to get connected to the opportunities that fit your vision.
Look for places that are in need. When folks are in need, they are more willing to take a bet on someone.
Be willing to be humble and flexible (compensation, level, title, scope). It’s OK to start smaller. In fact, that is a great way to help you build confidence and grow. Most of the career changes I made came with a set back on salary or title only to be followed by accelerated growth not long after.
Do the work. The rewards will come if this is the right fit. Being patient is one of the most important parts of making a change. The learning curve can take time, but it will eventually bear fruit.
If it really doesn’t feel right, it’s OK to change again. But don’t rush to a conclusion too quickly.
Ask for help. Be willing to no longer be the expert in the room. Ask for support from new colleagues, take a course, or even get a coach.
The path may take time to traverse, but that journey can give you renewed energy and excitement.
Parting thoughts.
If you feel a quiet voice or even a louder one telling you that there is another path waiting for you, you’re not alone.
50-60% of American workers want a different career.
Source: Fast Company
Career changes can come in all shapes and sizes. The question isn’t whether they exist, the question is whether you are ready for them.
Regardless of where you are in your career, if you don’t take risks, you won’t be maximize your opportunities: to grow, to earn, to connect, to impact and to create a fulfilling path.
The best part about career change: they are always available, if you’re willing to search for them.
The key is to stop letting your fear “keep you safe.”
Your future self is waiting for you to take the reins and find the path that’s right for you.
Share this post with someone in your life who needs a nudge to go and seek out what’s waiting for them.
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May you lead without limits,
P.S. Join me today for a free Substack LIVE on the 5 Things Every Leader Should Do Before They Start their Job Search with Kristof Shoenaerts of Job Search Unlocked — 10/21 at 10:30 am ET (link to join). You won’t want to miss this!