Make a Plan to Break Free from Your Golden Handcuffs Before It's Too Late

Money and status may be what you seek, but beware that they just might trap you in their golden embrace.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Miranda was burnt out from her first class, top shelf consulting career.

The projects felt superficial, the travel was brutal, and her love life was non-existent. Granted, she was only 34, but she felt like life was passing her by.

The worst part?

Miranda always felt like she was always looking over her shoulder to see who might be ready to plunge the knife in. She wasn’t even sure that anyone was going to backstab her, but the overall culture inspired distrust. She was anxious by nature, but the job made it worse. She was constantly worried about disappointing clients, not selling enough, and whether she was climbing the ladder fast enough.

But the money always drew her back in.

Every Friday night, she would swear this was the weekend she would start looking. But after a weekend of catching up on sleep, binge-watching reality television, and retail therapy, she’d sigh on Sunday night, “Maybe I can do one more week.”

It was OK until it wasn’t.

One day, a few years later, after she had attained the coveted Partner title, it all came crashing down.

On a bright spring morning, Miranda was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her doctor warned her that the treatment was going to be intense and require time. Time that she didn’t have.

Miranda’s parents were unwell and she was spending a few days a week visiting them. She had setup additional caregiving support, but now that her own health needed attention, Miranda felt an existential pull to reassess her career and her life.

What had been an obvious path now felt like a trap. The masked misalignments that had always been there in Miranda’s lifestyle and commitments were now brightly highlighted in front of her.

Unfortunately, the time for a change was earlier. Now, with all that she had to juggle, Miranda’s only path was to wait until after the storm of her health issues passed and then craft a new path forward.

You don’t need the perfect plan. You need to prioritize figuring out what matters most.

Our biggest inhibitor to making change is fear.

Fear is what drives procrastination and avoidance. Fear reinforces the status quo and keeps you stuck. This is what happened to Miranda.

When you think about the possibility of making a change, you perhaps worry about what will happen to your career and your reputation. Will your fellow high-flying executive friends shun you? Will you miss platinum status on your favorite airline? Will you miss your fancy office and gourmet meals?

Depending upon the type of change you are looking to make and how much money you’ve squirreled away, you might not have to give up all of these perks. That said, when you leave a career, you will necessarily be leaving some of the status and people behind.

The question isn’t whether people will judge you. They will.

The question isn’t whether there are risks to change. There are.

The question is whether the status and those people who do judge you matter to you, and whether the possibility of a more aligned career and life are worth it.

Only you can answer these questions.

And when you get clear about what actually matters to you, it’s far easier to let go of the things that don’t.

Always know your non-negotiables.

The biggest mistake people make when they start to chase a dream is that they don’t get clear on their non-negotiables. These are your life essentials. Not nice to have — must-have.

It’s not as simple as reviewing your bills. Most of us could live on 30-50% less than we do.

We choose not to.

If you are like many highly successful, highly paid executives, you have gotten used to the perks that come with your paycheck. Your spending creep was gradual. It didn’t feel significant at any time, but over time, it has grown… a lot.

Perhaps it started with a nicer car and fancier meals and vacations. Then came a larger home and higher-end furnishings. The designer clothes and accessories were perhaps always present, but the volume, the refreshes and the on-a-whim purchases have only increased.

If you are serious about making a change, you need to know what your minimum looks like. This is about money, but it’s not only about money.

You want to take a look at things like where you live, what kind of home you live in, how much you want to travel, and what types of activities and support systems matter to you. If you swear by a particular fitness studio, you’ll want to make that part of your must-have list. If you are committed to a nutrition plan, you need to make room for it.

And it’s about everything that you don’t need. The gym membership that you never you. The annual friend weekend boondoggle that actually annoys you more than it excites you. The jewelry subscription that you don’t really use. Be ruthless about what you cut. If you don’t need it, taking it off the list will only give you more options.

Be thorough when you create your non-negotiables list. Don’t just plan for today, plan for the future, including retirement and surprise expenses that you simply can’t predict.

When you know your floor, you can now dream without a ceiling.

Explore as many options as you can when you start to think about what is possible and what might interest you. Don’t limit yourself too early.

We make tremendous career decisions when we are very young. It’s amazing what we ask children to choose when they are just starting to develop some sense of the world. Selecting your career path when you are in your early twenties is like asking a baby to decide where it will go to college.

Most people will work for 40+ years. That is about half of most people’s lifetime. It’s no wonder that people want to make changes 5, 10, 20 years into their careers. They have a wealth of knowledge and experiences they didn’t have when they made their initial selection.

This is why when you take a moment to pause and offer yourself a reset option, you should take it seriously and explore as wide and as far as you can. With your non-negotiables clearly outlined, you can filter that exploration with confidence. But there is no sense in reducing your options until you have evidence that proves it won’t align with what you need.

When Miranda was ready, her exploration led her down multiple paths. She considered opening up a yoga studio, becoming a product manager, and working in the arts. She wanted to work in an environment that prioritized trust and flexibility. She no longer wanted to travel. She used these along with her financial needs to filter her research and exploratory conversations and help her determine her next path.

Your network will help you find your way.

Eventually, Miranda transitioned into a COO role at a small consultancy. It wasn’t what she was expecting. After countless conversations with friends, former colleagues, and acquaintances, she was connected to the founder and CEO of the consultancy.

She had thought that leaving consulting was the answer. But when she and the CEO spoke, it became clear she had found a place where all of her non-negotiables could be met and where some of her dreams would also be possible. She didn’t actually want to leave consulting, she wanted to leave the version of consulting that she was living.

Few people know exactly what they want without a prompt. Most people need an example, an experience to help them viscerally relate to a potential path.

The best way to learn more is to talk with people — lots of people.

Your network is an endless pool of insight.

If you’ve thought about becoming an actor, go find one. If you’ve thought about moving to another country, go talk to someone who has made the move. If you’ve thought about becoming an entrepreneur, go find someone who has started their own business.

Chances are your network is wider and deeper than you think. Use it.

Even if you don’t know people who have done what you want to explore, there is likely someone in your network who knows someone who has.

A great plan without action is no better than no plan at all.

It’s easy to fall into analysis paralysis with this exercise.

There are an endless amount of datapoints to consider, people to meet, and interwoven elements. Don’t get sucked into distractions and overthinking.

Always keep your focus on the end game. You are looking for a new path.

As you talk with people, don’t just ask them open-ended questions. Ask them about your priorities, your non-negotiables, your fears. This is your chance to discover if what matters most to you is possible.

One of the ways to test what you learn, if you have the capacity and if you current job allows, is to get a side gig or do pro bono work. You won’t always be able to make this happen, and that’s OK. A class or a seminar is another option and can also give you a taste of a potential path.

The key is to get your hands dirty. If you stay in the realm of planning only, you’ll never really understand what it will take to make the change.

When you align your work with what matters most, you find that other parts of your life fall into place as well.

Miranda wasn’t starting a yoga studio or working in the arts, but she would have more time now to invest in those activities because she no longer needed to travel. In addition, the consultancy she joined had a product and technology arm that she would get to spend time with and collaborate on select projects.

Miranda moved out of her luxury apartment to be closer to her parents and to scale down her expenses. When it came down to the decision, she was surprised to find that she didn’t feel like she was giving up much. Instead, she felt relief that she was spending money on what mattered to her and no longer spending on things she could live without.

Miranda beat cancer and her health improved over time with more sleep and less stress. She realized that the stress wasn’t just from the work. It was from living out of alignment with what she valued in life.

Once she took back the reins and freed herself from her golden handcuffs, Miranda felt unstoppable.

Key Takeaways

Don’t let the goals or what attracted you in the past dictate what you do going forward. If you’re feeling doubt, don’t wait until you feel trapped. Start down this path now.

• Take stock of what matters to you

• Determine your non-negotiables carefully and thoroughly

• Explore far and wide; don’t limit your possible paths too early

• Use your network to have conversations to learn more

• Taking action is as important as making a plan, even small steps count

• When you find alignment, don’t be surprised when more pieces of your life start to fall into place

In short, you don’t have to be shackled to a job. You can find a new path, but you need to do the work to discover it.

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