I took the investment banking offer because I was afraid.
Not afraid of the job. Afraid of what would happen if I went after the one I actually wanted — and they said no.
The bank was platinum. Everyone wanted it. Saying yes felt like winning. What nobody saw was what I was using it to hide.
My fear. It was nearly all-consuming. Not just of interviewing, although the mini-panic attacks were bad. No, it was a deeper kind of fear.
I took the job because I was terrified that it was the only job offer I was going to get.
What if they had made a mistake? What if no one else would find me worthy of their ranks? What if the companies that I actually wanted rejected me?
I didn’t even know I was doing it, but I had let my fear win. I had let it trap me.
That was 25 years ago.
I went on to become a two-time CEO. The fear came with me.
Time doesn’t make the fear go away.
Going after what you really want, knowing that you could be rejected, that kind of fear doesn’t care about your age or your title.
It can find a way through, no matter where you are in your career.
Inertia is often fear in disguise.
“I know I should… but I just can’t,” he confessed with his eyes cast down, when I asked him why he hadn’t started networking.
I was meeting with a prospective client, a C-suite exec, who had just shared that he had known months ago that his current job wasn’t a good fit.
There was no path for growth, he was undercompensated compared to the market, and he didn’t enjoy the culture — all work, no play.
He knew he should be making a move, but couldn’t bring himself to start the process. After nearly 9 months, he finally reached out to me after his wife nudged him to get help.
I could hear the same rationalizations I made when I let my fear guide me. The time constraints and concerns about his resume, and worries about not knowing the right direction.
And then he paused and took a breath:
“I’m not sure anyone else will see what I have to offer.”
He looked at me, waiting for me to respond. Acknowledging it meant facing his fear. It was one of the most courageous statements I’ve ever heard from a leader.
There is something about the job search process that transforms everyone, even the most confident, successful leader, into a self-doubting, anxious, skittish person.
The judgment, the rejection, and these days, the ghosting.
It’s all too much.
The truth is, we’re all being evaluated in our jobs at every moment, but somehow, the quarterly targets or annual performance reviews create a facade that we are only on the chopping block a few times a year. The rest of the time, we breathe a false, but satisfying sigh of relief.
And so we stay — far longer than we should — in jobs that we’ve outgrown, in companies that drain us of our energy and our spirit.
Job searching is a special kind of torture.
For senior leaders who are used to being the decision-makers, the ones with the answers, the ones leading the charge for their teams, job searching flips the script.
From having the authority and the power to relinquishing both and becoming just another candidate who has to prove themselves and is at the beck and call of the hiring team — it’s a hard transition.
I get why so many leaders avoid starting the process (until they are forced to).
A two-time CEO and COO, and yet I was still plagued with the fears of my twenty-year-old self.
I was so scared of facing the unknown that I didn’t even realize I wanted to leave the company. That’s how fear works — it clouds your judgment, and it manufactures excuse after excuse to help you explain why.
Before you know it, days become weeks and weeks become months.
The job search doesn’t frighten people because it’s hard. It frightens them because it’s the one place where the thing that actually matters to them is on the line.
Worthiness. Belonging. Being chosen by the place that counts.
The fear brings you back to being eight years old. Waiting to be chosen for the kickball team. Answering wrong when the teacher called on you, the whole class watching.
These moments aren't weakness. They're just what it felt like to be human before you learned to hide it.
The secret to starting the job search process isn’t complicated.
It all starts with mindset.
The thing about a job search is that most people think of it the wrong way:
“I need to find a place that will hire me into the role I want with the pay I want.”
When actually, the right way to think about it is:
“There are many organizations that need my skills, my talents, and my experience.
I’m going to help them find me and then discover together which one is the best match.”
When you flip the script from “I need to find a way in” to “I need to help them find me,” you approach the process with a completely different attitude:
One of service instead of one of desperation.
In fact, when you use this approach, you realize it's less about letting go of your power and more about having the opportunity to be freed from the daily responsibility of thinking about everyone else instead of yourself.
Rather than worrying about all the people, processes, systems, tools — or what you do every day — you get to simply focus on what makes you incredible and what you can do to help an organization.
And instead of visualizing yourself running a gauntlet with hiring teams out to shoot you down, think of it as a chance to get to know organizations that need you.
You get to showcase your achievements, capabilities, and acumen, and be recognized for them. Unlike much of the rest of your work (and probably life), this entire process is about you.
Today, what I tell my clients is what I would tell my twenty-year-old self:
It’s not about taking a different job. It’s not about the job at all.
The fear you’re hiding from already knows where you live. Don’t let it keep you smaller than you actually are.
If this piece struck a chord, please consider sharing it with someone who you know will benefit. There are so many excellent leaders who are either out of work or wish they were, and are struggling with their next step.
If this can help just one of them, I would be so grateful.
And if you are open to sharing your journey or a tip on how to get past the fear, the ick, the avoidance that holds up so many leaders from kicking off their search, I’d love to hear it.
Feel free to reply to this email (if you’re a subscriber) or add it to the Comments.
May you lead without limits,
P.S. If you’re a leader who is thinking about what’s next, but you just aren’t sure. I’d love to chat.
I’m building something new for this fall. It’ll be a chance to step away from your day-to-day and give yourself the space to jumpstart your career.
If you want to learn more, send me a note. I’d love your input.