What's the One Thing Better Than Being in Flow?

What happened when I stopped pushing and started soaring — and how you can too.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

Want more energy and clarity as a leader? What if there's a state even better than flow — and you've already felt it, without knowing?

I swayed a little in my seat, comforted by the gentle hum of the computer and the satisfying click of my keyboard.

Everyone had left for the night.

It was 9pm on a Wednesday and I was plugging away at a spreadsheet that mapped out my department’s future growth plans on the 6th floor of 30 Rock.

I was newly engaged, recently promoted, and on a high from my job helping to digitize NBC’s TV stations group.

I was in career heaven.

That perfect zone where you are fully engaged by the challenges in front of you and not daunted. You have enough wind in your sails to bolster you, but you don’t feel like you are being forced off a cliff you aren’t ready to jump.

Every day felt like a new opportunity to make an impact, to learn, and to grow. It was the summer of 2009, and there were plenty of reasons to worry on a macroeconomic level, but in my little digital media cocoon, life was good.

Back then I thought this state was my peak. But I’ve since discovered something even better.

You know that moment when time disappears?

You’re so in the zone it feels otherworldly?

It’s not a fluke. Psychologists call it "flow."

Mihaly Robert Csikszentmihalyi is the Hungarian-American psychologist who coined the term “flow state” in his seminal book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.

In it, he describes the experience of timelessness that occurs when you engage in an activity that strikes the perfect balance of difficulty, enjoyment, and purpose.

If it’s too hard, you will struggle too much. If it’s too easy, you’ll get bored.

If it’s not enough fun or doesn’t have enough purpose, you’ll lose interest.

Importantly, those who achieve a sense of flow are not extrinsically motivated. This is not about pleasing your boss, your partner, or someone else. It’s about focusing on something that matters to you.

Even though I was at work, delivering something for my boss and my team, I was in flow because I wasn’t doing it for them.

I was working late because I took pride in what I was doing, and I was enjoying the work itself.

I had been at NBC for over two years and was hitting my stride. There was so much for me to learn, but I was no longer a media newbie. I had survived the rigorous financial planning cycles, knew the most relevant people and political dynamics, and my team and I had gelled.

I had found the perfect balance of challenge to skill, and of internal motivation and a sense of purpose.

Achieving a flow state isn’t just pleasurable; it drives performance.

Being in flow was not a concept I learned about early in life. In fact, I grew up within the “no pain, no gain” school of thought.

In my family, if you weren’t working hard and feeling the hurt, you weren’t going to make progress. The amount of effort you exerted supposedly determined the amount of success you’d experience.

Success was essential, so I pushed myself hard. At academics and at landing my first few jobs. There were times where I felt a sense of flow, but those are few and far between because I was forcing my efforts.

Force is the opposite of flow.

When you are in flow, the work you are doing feels easeful and well-matched to your skill level. When you are in a flow state, it’s easier for you to practice and hone your ability because repetition feels like a gift and not like a punishment.

The ability to sustain your practice will determine how excellent you can become. When you find an area of work or craft that is a match for your skills and interests, it’s easier to achieve flow and therefore, easier to sustain your efforts.

For me, the type of work in my career that generated the most flow was leading and collaborating with others. The interplay of ideas, the calibration of talents, and the collective achievement of goals all gave me a thrill, and for the most part, felt effortless.

I discovered these elements early in my career, and I was fortunate enough to receive opportunity after opportunity to build and lead teams through rapid change. Each opportunity was a chance to enjoy flow and to further hone my leadership skills.

But as time progressed, I started to experience the friction between people work and my own tendencies.

My desire to people-please, my fear of hurting others, and my wish for camaraderie and peaceful interactions created more stress than was helpful at times, disrupting any chance of flow.

It might have been the conditions of the company, the world (pandemic, volatile economic cycles), or my family (sleep challenges), but in recent years, I found flow much harder to achieve, and unsurprisingly, my performance as a leader took a hit as well.

What is beyond flow? Flight!

Sometimes, when old routines and structures are not working, you need to step away and try something completely different. Last year, as I stepped away from my corporate career, I restarted my journey as an oil painter after a 35-year hiatus.

I expected it to be a challenge to return to something that I hadn’t done for a long time. I was insecure and nervous.

I had no idea that within 3-4 classes, I would not only become reconnected with my flow state, I would discover a next level beyond flow—flight.

After the initial 15 minutes it takes me to set up my easel, my brushes, and my paint, I pause to consider the canvas and my subject matter. In these moments, I am not in flow.

Until I start, I am stuck in worry and fear.

But the minute I started to push the brush across the canvas, sweeping the paint in shapes and lines, conveying the gesture of my subject, everything shifted.

I not only lose myself, I am free of whatever limited me.

I am more confident. I can take bolder risks, try different strategies, and make mistakes. It is as if the world would not just welcome my efforts, but would be excited to see me experiment and be forgiving of my misses.

In a room of other students also in the pursuit of skillful painting, I am more connected with the world and the people in it. I feel their energy, their desire to also capture the essence of what they are living and seeing.

I am no longer alone in my journey. Even if I struggle, I am part of a larger whole, and I feel equipped to face what challenges might come.

At first, I didn’t know how to describe it. Similar to flow, I lose all track of time: 5 hours just disappear. I also felt a sense of accomplishment and joy every time.

But there was more.

A feeling of weightlessness, of soaring through space and time. I am not only the person painting, I am also the energy around me, that channels through me to the painting.

It is ephemeral, and whenever I pause, it’s like I’m awakening from a dream. But as soon as I start to paint again, I feel the wave of energy and buoyancy.

I’m not a religious person, but when I am in flight, the experience is spiritual.

Compared with many moments in my career, I can now easily distinguish between moments of fear, flow, or flight.

When I feel fear, I cannot see any options. The world was closing in on me. There is nothing I can do to make it right. All is dark, and I can see no way out, only more darkness.

When I am in flow, I am freer, more energized, and more fulfilled. I feel relaxed and leave every day feeling satisfied that I have done my best and that it was more than enough.

When I am in flight, I feel completely untethered and able to shine my brightest. I exist as part of a larger community that I feel deep connection to. I have endless energy and insight that I want to share with others to support them and their journey.

Being in flight means living and leading without limits — in energy, creativity, and possibility.

I am now deeply committed to creating the conditions for flow and flight as often as possible.

What does it mean to regularly be in flow and flight?

You wake up feeling more optimistic and ready to face what comes.

You know that whatever happens, you’ll be able to achieve this sense of soaring.

You feel more trust that things will turn out OK.

You’re living less in a fear state and more in a state of wonder and awe.

You’re more willing to test out new theories and ideas.

You’re able to bounce back faster from defeat and stumbles.

In short, you are living and leading from a place of abundance and positivity.

Ways to find your flow, and then flight?

So if you’re feeling the need to find your flow... maybe it’s time to stop pushing.

Maybe it’s time to fly.

• Try new things that tap into different parts of you — mind, heart, body. I never thought I was an athlete, but at 24, I trained with my company for a 5K and have forever developed a love for a slow, 20-30 min jog. The same is true for me with meditation. If you don’t try it, you’ll never know.

• Reflect on how you feel — before, during and after. Use a journal to track how you feel. What helps you feel more free or less weighed down? What makes you feel more energized or more drained? Over time, you might find patterns and then you can make adjustments to double down on what feels good.

• Give it enough time. Whenever trying something new, don’t give up too quickly. Jogging took me at least 6 months to get situated and likely a year to feel confident enough to run in races. I’ve been writing online for 10 months and I still struggle. Ray Dalio says it takes you 18 months to truly ingrain a habit. I think it’s different for everyone. Don’t give up too quickly.

• Allow for changes based on seasons, life priorities, and health. What worked for you in your 20s might not work in your 40s and so on. Don’t judge yourself for needing a change. See it as an opportunity!

What helps you get into a state of flow or flight?

I’d love to hear your tips and reflections on what helps you get into a state of flow or even flight.

Share them in the comments below or reply to my email, and just send them to me. I read and respond to every message.

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