When Not Knowing Feels Safer

You're not stuck because you can't decide — part of you already has.

Aug 04, 2026

a man with his hand on his face — Photo by Eduard Delputte on Unsplash

“What if you did the math and found out you could actually make it work?”

He paused, looking down, slightly ashamed, he answered, “I don’t know.”

I asked my client this question last week after he shared his torment.

He had been laid off after a decade-long career he had built with care. He was struggling to fully commit to a job search, putting in effort in fits and starts. Whenever he started to build a little momentum, he would second-guess himself.

His head was telling him that he needed to land a traditional job, but his heart wanted to pursue an entirely new path, a creative and independent one.

He was locked in limbo. He avoided doing the work to assess the feasibility of the creative path, and wasn’t making progress on the traditional one.

Doing neither didn’t just keep him stuck; it kept him safe.

Indecision is a decision.

What my client was experiencing is something many leaders face when the stakes feel high. It’s often easier to stay the course than to pause and reconsider all of your options.

This isn’t just true in the job search; it can also happen when you’re in the role, too. It could be a shift in strategy or a redesign of your organization; any significant move can trigger a corresponding stalling or avoidance.

It starts with a signal or even a hint of one that makes you question if you should make a change. You can either investigate and validate, or you can keep marching forward.

Making the decision feels hard because inertia is real, not just a theoretical law of physics. When you’re already on a path, or if you’ve bought into a particular narrative (”We have to…” or “The only way is to…”), it’s very difficult to swim against that tide.

And since very few of us exist in a vacuum, it isn’t just your own views you have to navigate. It’s those of the people around you.

Every time I made an industry change (and I made 5 throughout my career), I first had to fight my internal instincts. But then I had to face those of my friends, colleagues, and mentors. They all had a point of view, and if they were sitting on one side of the context (as most were), they were often biased. They simply didn’t have the broader perspective.

All of these opposing forces can push you into a standstill. They can make you feel trapped. When pressure is being applied on all sides, it feels easier to stop resisting.

But standing still only extends your time in limbo. It solidifies the trap around you.

The only way to break through is to first ask yourself, not which path to take, but “why won’t I do the work to pick a path?”

How your fear clouds your vision.

For my client, it wasn’t just that a more traditional path had lost its luster or that he would regret his choice.

His true fear was that if the math worked out — if it was actually possible to create a financially viable career out of a creative pursuit, he’d have to take the risk and pursue it. That was the scariest thing he had to face.

Not knowing what was possible was like wearing padded handcuffs.

It was holding him hostage and letting him avoid doing the harder work of mapping out a real plan. The dream could stay alive and out of reach. His fear intentionally obscured the path forward — the fog became the plan.

When I played it back to him, I saw his eyes widen in realization, “What if you stop letting your fear run the show, and instead did the math and talked with your partner to actually find out what is possible?”

He nodded slowly in agreement, even as I could see his fear struggling to keep clouding the picture.

When you choose to see clearly, you’ll still feel the fear, but you’ll stop being controlled by it.

When I took over a small, declining e-commerce business line, my mandate was clear. I had a year to turn the business around. The pressure was high. I had replaced a beloved leader, and 200+ people’s jobs were on the line.

I was deeply scared of making the wrong call. My decision would impact so many lives and the overall company’s success.

I tested a number of changes to stabilize losses — website, email, and product adjustments. I studied the trends and headwinds working against us. The data was all there, but I struggled to see it and make sense of it. My fear mixed it all up in my head, creating a chaotic stew of thoughts.

Only after several conversations with my boss, the CEO, did I finally pause long enough to digest and accept the facts. I couldn’t create a clear path forward until I faced them.

My fear never left me, but at last, it lost its power to dissuade me from seeing reality.

I learned to “never assume” you’re stuck because you don’t know the right answer — oftentimes, a part of you already knows, the part that already sees the truth.

Your fears are controlling more than you realize, for you and your team.

The thing about fear is that it often wears the costume of a wise counselor.

It might show up when you think the data points to a change in your strategy, but you avoid asking your team to gather the numbers. Your fear doesn’t want to “bother” your team, and it certainly doesn’t want to “force” a strategy call. But avoiding the hard look doesn’t make the facts go away. It just keeps your blinders on and delays the right decision.

Or you have someone on your team who keeps “exploring options” long past the appropriate moment because a decision pushed aside someone’s work on the team. The fear of someone feeling less valued is legitimate, but it isn’t addressed by rehashing decisions. It’s addressed by ensuring the person is assigned work that aligns their strengths with organizational priorities.

Or it might look like the career choice others would make, instead of what’s right for you. The truly unfortunate career decision is the one where you never gave yourself permission to explore and discover what might be possible before you shut down the path and narrowed your options.

Your brain is wired to default to the known and to the path you’re already on. It’s an evolutionary design, but it isn’t always the best option.

You have the power to choose… always. Use it.

Your action plan.

The path towards clearing the fog your fear creates isn’t complicated, but it is intentional. If you’re sensing your fear is clouding your judgment and constraining your path forward, take these steps.

1. Name the option(s) you’re refusing to research.

The one that makes your stomach drop when I say “run the numbers.” The drop is the signal. If there’s more than one, write them all down.

2. Do the math. The real math.

The actual figures on an actual page — runway, costs, savings, revenue, income, timeline, skills, capacity, energy. Not the 2am catastrophe version and not the version that someone else tells you. Use your judgment. And talk with your partner or teammates about it, if you have one. If you don’t live or work alone, don’t plan alone.

3. Decide what a “yes” would require — say it out loud.

“If the numbers work, am I willing to move?” If that’s the scary part, good. Now you’re starting to face reality. This is when you begin to realize that the fear was the scariest part, not the action.

And if any of the above feels hard, that’s normal.

Don’t do all of this at once. Pace yourself. And find support. I have rarely navigated a hard moment all by myself. The person supporting you doesn’t even have to fully understand what you’re navigating. They just have to be willing to listen, be present, and be patient.

Lastly, it’s OK if you get it wrong. That’s one of the best ways to quiet your fear and let it take a backseat while you get back in front of the wheel. The stumble isn’t the fail, the lack of attempt is.

You don’t have to stay in indecision. There is another path.

The cost of indecision isn’t just time. It’s a sense of agency.

When you let your fear protect you from the clarity that would ask something of you, something different than what you’ve done in the past, it keeps you safe by holding you back.

The cost is being trapped by your fear, and not learning what any path would tell you about what is possible.

When fear keeps all options open, it’s actually keeping all of them closed. Remember that.

Start by giving yourself permission to do the homework and build a clearer picture, even when you feel scared, not in spite of it.

And if you’re up for it share it with me — reply to this email if you’re a subscriber or share it in the Comments.

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