Why it's Easier to Advocate for Your Team than for Yourself
You show up for everyone else. It’s time to show up for you.
Join me today — Tuesday, 9/29 at 1pm ET — for a Substack LIVE with Melissa Muth Martinez from Honest Office to talk about interdisciplinary leaders: why they matter, how to find them, and grow them on your team.
He can move millions with one email…
But he hesitates to ask for a stipend for our coaching calls.
She saved millions of dollars and hundreds of lives during COVID…
But she’s still waiting for “the right moment” to ask for a bigger role.
These aren’t outliers. They’re high-performing leaders. Fierce advocates for their teams.
But when it comes to themselves… They go silent.
And I get it — because I used to do it too.
Advocating for yourself is NOT a selfish act.
I relate to these leaders deeply because I was one of them.
Throughout my career, I would find ways to elevate my team.
But when it came to my own role, I would wait or make excuses.
When I was leading internal operations at a start-up and paid two-thirds of what my colleague was making with a similar scope role, I told myself, “He should be paid more. He’s more experienced than me. Let me prove myself first.”
When I was overwhelmed leading 4 functions, instead of asking for more resources, I did the opposite. I applied more pressure and said to myself, “You should be able to do it all. You’re just not operating well enough.”
When my son was struggling with sleep, I had trouble admitting that sleep deprivation wasn’t just draining me, it was killing my ability to function. My narrative was, “Just keep going, you can weather this storm. No one else can do this work, so you have to.”
I didn’t understand how to reframe my needs until I hit rock bottom, and was forced to change my mindset to make sense of what was happening.
It was a profound shift.
Stop seeing your needs through a personal lens.
When leaders zoom out and stop seeing their needs through a personal lens, they make room to start viewing themselves through a leadership one.
The difference?
When you are viewing your needs in a personal context, they feel small, selfish, and narrow-minded.
But when you shift to leadership context, you start to realize that you are a critical resource in the organization. You no longer exist in isolation. You are part of a whole, a very important part.
When your needs are not met, it isn’t just about you not feeling satisfied or supported. You are not able to do your part to make the organization successful.
As a leader, you wouldn’t let your star player be kept on the sidelines or leave the organization because they were overextended or undercompensated.
Why would you treat yourself any differently?
As the leader on the team, you need more support, not less.
Your job requires constant high-stakes decision-making. You are responsible for the direction of the business and for resolving issues when things don’t go your way. You are the culture bearer, and responsible for all the people who report to you.
To do all that well, you need to have sufficient capacity and fair compensation.
If your role is too broad, narrow it.
If you don’t have enough support, add it.
If you are not fairly paid, change it.
Self-advocacy isn’t selfish; it models courage and boundaries for your team.
When you don’t take care of your needs, the cost is far greater than your happiness or your performance. It impacts the entire team.
I had a leader once who didn’t know how to rest. Her overwork wasn’t just a habit, it was part of her brand.
She was amazing in all other facets — visionary, bold, and kind. But this one attribute scared me.
I saw that same overwork in myself — and it scared me. I worried that working with her would make it harder for me to set healthy boundaries. My fear of it was so great that I never ended up following her into new ventures, despite wanting to work with her again.
When you don’t take care of your needs, you are telling your team that it’s OK to not have your needs met. It doesn’t have to be overt, in fact, subtle cues can sometimes be even more impactful, like the leader I loved working with, but didn’t want to follow.
If you want to build a team where high performance is sustained in a healthy way, you need to show the team how to make that happen.
If you want to attract top talent, then you need to be resourced well, so that you can resource your team appropriately.
How to start to self-advocate.
Here are 4 ways to get started:
1. Treat self-advocacy as a leadership responsibility.
Stop seeing your needs as an afterthought and start prioritizing them alongside your other strategic people investments.
Connect your needs to the organization’s mission and goals. For example, if you shed some responsibilities, will that allow you to use your unique talents to accelerate growth?
Make the case to yourself first. You’ll be better equipped to make the case to others.
2. Role-play conversations.
Practicing your message helps you hone in on what matters most. Gather data and evidence for your argument.
If you have a loud inner judge, write down the concerns that come up and be prepared to address each one, but don’t let your inner judge shut you down.
Work with a friend, a coach, or a trusted colleague and have them help you practice.
3. Write down the value of what you’re asking for.
The impact of your ask is likely far greater than the ask. When you write down the value, you are shifting the focus from you to the outcome of the ask.
That simple shift in focus reinforces your shift to a leadership lens.
4. Use the same strategies you’d coach your team to use.
We know the right path when someone else asks us for guidance. Our brain freezes when it’s an issue we are grappling with.
So pretend that your ask is coming from someone on your team. Write down how you’d advise them. Now apply that wisdom to yourself.
Start valuing yourself properly today.
👇 Before you close this tab — do one thing:
Write down ONE need you’ve been minimizing.
Now make a plan to advocate for it this month.
Remember that advocacy isn’t just for you:
If you want your team to believe in their worth, start by believing in yours.
If this post resonated with you, share it with another leader who needs a reminder to self-advocate.
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If you have a tip on how to self-advocate, please share it in the Comments below. The Lead without Limits community will be so grateful.
May you lead without limits,
P.S. Join me today — Tuesday, 9/29 at 1pm ET — for a Substack LIVE with Melissa Muth Martinez from Honest Office to talk about interdisciplinary leaders: why they matter, how to find them, and grow them on your team.
So very true Kathy and I wonder if this is something that particularly applies to women as we are socialized at a young age to be 'helpful, nice and useful'.
I have advocated for myself many times in terms of job title, extra team members, and salary, and mostly I've been successful, though it very much depended on the attitudes of the person who had to sign off the changes.