Your Birthday is a Priceless Opportunity to Do More Than Lament What is Gone
Reflect on your most meaningful gifts and how you can direct them to realize what matters most.
Birthdays elicit so many feelings — celebration, remorse, excitement, anger, joy, embarrassment, and anxiety — to name a few. As we get older, aches, wrinkles, diminishing cognition, and other reminders of what was take up more space as the “special” day approaches.
But dwelling on what you no longer have is a futile exercise. It’s honestly just a waste of time.
It’s far more effective to feel gratitude for what you still possess and where you want to focus them to have the greatest impact in the future.
This week is my birthday week. As someone who doesn’t ask for or receive physical gifts anymore, this year I decided to try this new way of reflecting on how to make the most of the gifts I’ve already received.
The most valuable gifts you’ve been given aren’t what you think.
It isn’t my diamond engagement ring or my parent’s paying for my college tuition. I deeply cherish those gifts, but they aren’t the most precious gifts I’ve received.
The gifts I treasure the most deeply are those that are harder to wrap and deliver:
My personality traits such as optimism, tenacity, creativity, curiosity, and a desire to serve have given me the ability to navigate incredibly challenging and complex moments in work and in life. Changing sectors 5 times, becoming CEO when I was 33, launching multiple businesses, and going through months of fertility treatments and 18 months of nausea to birth my two lovely children — none of that would have been possible without these traits.
My health, mental and physical, are battle-worn through the pummeling I gave them in my younger years and early years of child rearing. I did terrible job of exercising, eating well, and caring for my health. You don’t get shingles at 27 from doing right by your body! But I’m so fortunate that my body has been resilient, that my mind has been open to new habits, and my heart has been forgiving.
My family, chosen and born into, are an incredible motley crew of gifted people who are kindhearted and fearless. On my father’s side, they are blessed with astounding intellect. On my mother’s side, they are equally talented and fiercely committed to our bond regardless of time, distance, or interests. My husband and his family are incredibly generous, creative, and open-minded with impeccable taste. And our nanny, without whom no one in my family would be functional, was a gift from the heavens that I still can’t quite fathom. I’m blessed to have had all of these people to learn from throughout my life.
Some of these gifts are easier to identify than others. When in doubt or feeling lost, ask friends, family members, and co-workers for their input and take the time to jot down notes throughout the year when someone gives you a compliment or a reflection about your impact. When you do your annual reflection, you can compile these notes to help you build a more complete picture.
Do you have a sense of the gifts that you most treasure?
The sources of your gifts reminds you that you are not alone.
When I think about who bestowed the gifts I value most, the first people who come to mind are my parents and their parents. Genetics and epigenetics determine so much of what we are born with, the advantages we get without even trying.
But the advantages someone like me benefits from goes far beyond genetics.
The strength of an economy, the safety of a neighborhood, and access to things like clean water or education and healthcare. It’s so easy to take those for granted daily if you live in a wealthy country. Yet, these benefits don’t just appear. They are the product of service and labor from thousands of civil service professionals, military personnel, healthcare and educational professionals, and many more.
Taken one step further, you start to see the impact of the environment, other organisms, and even aspects of land formations that impact our lives.
It’s easy to forget that we are all part of a wide and interconnected web of people and ecosystems that provide some of the most important gifts we benefit from every day. Working behind our screens every day makes it far too easy to abstract all of these elements and to complain about them instead of appreciate them.
Taking a moment to remind ourselves of how we are connected helps us feel less alone and reminds us of how each of us has an impact on others.
When do you feel most connected with others? Least connected?
What fills your days fills your soul.
What we take in is what we become over time. The content we consume, the music we listen to, the thoughts we keep, the things we buy, the experiences we seek — they all shape us.
As I reflected, I was struck by how much I’ve learned over time to be more intentional about what I bring into my life. I also realized that when I’m learning something new, like many other amateurs, I’m far less discerning. For instance, as I build my coaching and advisory practice, I’m consuming a wide variety of sources of business-building and marketing how-to content. It’s overwhelming at times and I’m starting to notice that not all of it is necessary or helpful.
The process of spring cleaning isn’t something that we should take on just in our closets or only in the spring. Whenever you start to feel overloaded, it’s a sign to reduce. Most people wrongly assume that they need more than they actually do — in food, content, clothing, and more.
For me, this reflection was a reminder that it’s time to detox my digital consumption. Too much information and not enough practice and execution is the same thing as not doing anything at all.
What are you filling your days and time with that isn’t actually filling your soul?
Every year is an opportunity to refocus your gifts on what matters most.
My grandmother turned 101 last year. Taking my family to meet her in person for the first time was one of the highlights of 2024. It was completely in sync with my top priority: time with my family — kids, husband, parents, siblings, and extended family.
Family hasn’t always been my priority. My early twenties were marked by an incredible need to prove myself at work. Not long after, everything else faded away when I needed to course-correct my health. And friends have always taken a backseat to everything else in my life.
Now, as I enter the second half of my life, I have a very clear and different order to my priorities: (1) family, (2) strengthening my body and mind, (3) building my practice, (4) friends and community, and (5) honing my art skills.
Clarifying these priorities and how they rank for me provides me with a compass to guide my decision-making that is rooted in my values and my goals.
How often do you review your goals? Are you finding them changing more or staying stable?
Your gifts are more than just valuable possessions.
Your gifts can help you realize your priorities.
With my priorities clarfied, I was able to then return to my gifts and ask myself, “what could I do to best direct my gifts toward these priorities?”
I had several insights, but the two most significant were:
I want to prioritize building out a community
I could do more to connect the different parts of my life — family, friends, health, and community
I’m not sure yet how that might materialize, but this reflection helped me reimagine what is possible and what is calling me.
When we know where we are headed, it’s so much easier to relax and enjoy the ride.
Key Takeaways
Take my reflection process and make it your own. You can save it for your birthday, or use any time you want to find more clarity.
Your Gifts - Meditate or go for a walk and then journal what comes up when you ask, “What gifts do I most value?” Use this opportunity to ask the people you value to kindly share their thoughts and gather what you might have noted throughout the year.
The Sources of Your Gifts — Remind yourself from where and from whom your gifts came. Write them down and draw lines on how they are connected. Don’t aim for art, simply use this exercise to visualize the web of people and ecosystems that contribute to your gifts.
What Fills Your Days — Take stock of how you spend your time and what takes up space in your life. If there are parts that feel overloaded or overwhelming, consider decluttering to help you find more space.
Focus on What Matters Most — Give yourself some more time to pause and ask yourself, “What are my top priorities?” Rank the priorities so that you can use them as a decision framework. Then ask yourself, “Am I organizing my life and work around my priorities?” If you aren’t, it might be time to restructure your time around what matters most.
Can You Better Apply Your Gifts to What Matters Most? — Now that you have your most valuable gifts and your top priorities, it’s time to connect your gifts to what matters most. Get your journal and reflect on the question, “How can I best direct my gifts toward my priorities?” This becomes the underpinning for how you direct your energy and time over the next year.
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Kathy, I'm with you about celebrating birthdays and what led you to this point.
It surprises me how many acquaintances and friends sound resigned on their birthdays, as if they're counting the days until this is all over. So strange - to me anyway.
The husband of friends of my parents passed away the other week at 99 years of age. His widow (married 75 years!) said she was "only 95". What a perspective. Talking with her, she reflected on many of the points of gratitude you wrote about.
May we all have the wisdom to count what truly matters. Thank you for this post.
Kathy, beautiful reflection of your wonderful life on your birthday Gratitude is a key to a happy and productive life. Your key takeaways are great advice and reminders that we have to clean house at times to simplify our lives and focus what is truly important.